Is there something in your life that feels hard, painful, or wrong?
For the longest time I was living my life thinking I needed to be a certain a way and do certain things - even though I dreaded doing those things. I would force myself to do things that I saw other people do because if it worked for them it surely would work for me too, right?
After years of living my life this way I realized that the reason I was miserable was because I wasn't listening to my inner self. I was saying yes to, and filling my life with, things that stressed me out and didn't make me feel good.
I didn't realize there is a connection between how I felt about something and whether or not I should do something. The way that you feel about a relationship, class, job, anything is the strongest indicator you have on whether or not you should move forward.
The way that you feel may be different than the way that others feel about something and so it can be tempting to think that their way is right but it will never be right for you if it's not YOUR truth. Only you know what's right for yourself.
Simply put, if it feels good it's a yes and you should move forward and if it feels bad it's a no and you should avoid that thing. It sounds so easy when I put it like that but our brain gets in the way and overcomplicates it because we will try to talk ourselves into (or out of) certain things, feel bad about hurting someone else, or make excuses because we're afraid. It's also complicated because there is a gray area.
Can things really as simple as yes or no? From my experience, the gray area is always a no. I try to live my life by the motto: Everything in life is either a heck yes or a heck no and if it's not a heck yes, it's a heck no."
This simple phrase applies to so many things. It applies to relationships, career decisions, purchase decisions, etc. Your gut is your impulse and your impulse is your inner wisdom. The more that you can trust your gut without letting your rationalizing mind or comparison to others get in the way, the better off you'll be and the more in alignment you will be with what you truly desire.
Here's an example:
Say you are dating someone and in the beginning you're not totally sure about this person but you've been hurt before and he's really nice and complimentary. Overtime you enjoy spending time with him because spending time with him is better than being alone. You start to develop more feelings for this person but deep down you know that this person isn't the one for you. You might not necessarily be able to explain why but you can feel it. You believe you could be happy enough with this person but ultimately you'd be settling, but you tell yourself he's so nice and you're afraid to break up with him because you don't know if you'll find anyone better. You will. If your gut is not a heck yes there will always be something better out there for you. Your feelings of uncertainty will only grow stronger over time and if you avoid them you will disempower yourself.
You're at the mall and you see a shirt on sale. It's only $15 when it's normally $50. You kind of like it but if you're being honest with yourself you like that it's on sale more than you like the actual shirt. You convince yourself to buy the shirt because it's such a good deal and then you get home and you never wear the shirt because you don't actually like it that much. It wasn't a heck yes.
Like I said, this philosophy applies to every decision you'll ever make. In the beginning it can be challenging to distinguish what is your gut and what is your brain but the more you listen to your gut, the more you will be able to distinguish between the two.
At the end of the day, if you can't figure it out, ask yourself, "Does this make me happy." Ask yourself this question without any reasons of why or why not. Let it be as simple as yes or no. If you can trust that simple answer, without talking yourself out of it, you will find your voice and you will find your power.
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